I can’t remember the last time I saw the inside of a church. This is a truly depressing thought since I grew up in the church. When I was younger, I went to bible study, choir practice, youth service, Friday service and of course the main service on Sunday. Today? Nothing. (I have a theory about why that is but thats for another time.)
I can’t remember the exact date when this began to change but I do remember that as a teenager, the idea of attending church became less and less appealing to me to the point that if my mother wasn’t forcing me to go on any given Sunday, I wouldn’t go. Not even for special holiday services like Easter or Christmas. I do have some pleasant memories of Good Friday, about having a meal of dumpling and stewed salt fish (codfish) after church, and just feeling a sense of closeness with my family. Back then, we all ate dinner together at the dining table (I hadn’t realized that I missed that after we moved to the U.S.). Fact is, a lot of things changed after the move and a lot of my most treasured memories are from my youthful days in the Caribbean.
But as far as church, just because I haven’t been inside of one doesn’t mean I feel any less closer to God. I talk to Him every night before I go to sleep and in the morning when I wake. I believe in giving thanks for what we have and that God places people in our lives and put us in certain situations for a reason. We just have to get out of our own way and trust in Him. Not going to church doesn’t make us any less important to him. I plan to start going again though. Someday.
I feel the same way. For the past few years, if it wasn't for my God fearing brother, I'd have missed several Easter Sundays. Even this coming holiday I'm meeting him to attend service...I think this time around though I'm actually doing it for me rather than for my family or guilt ridden issues that I've had since my catholic school days;-)
ReplyDeleteGuilt is definitely a factor. Belated Happy Easter and hope you made it to church.
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