Hair Gripes: I Am Not My Hair, Am I?

I have a confession. Lately, it’s been all about my hair. It’s all I think about and inevitably, it comes up in almost every conversation that I have. I’ve become one of those people who can’t stop talking about myself, or rather, my hair. Yet, knowing that I am being this way, I can’t help but continue. Why? Because more than anything, I am excited about the changes that I am going through, about my journey from relaxed to natural. I am enjoying experimenting with organic products, trying out different styles, and I like touching my hair and feeling my natural textures coming through. I don’t think I’ve ever been this obsessed with my hair. Sure, when I used to get relaxers I would touch my hair often, feeling my roots to make sure they were as straight as they could be. But this feels different. This time, I feel gratified to know that what I am touching is my natural hair and not something that is achieved with chemicals. I like that it’s mine alone. And that I love it!

So far, this natural journal is liberating me in a way that I never thought I wanted to be but I sometimes feel that my identity is just a tad bit wrapped up in my hair. This has been on my mind a lot more since I made the decision to take the next stop and go in for “the big chop” (will write about this in another post). I’ve worn short styles before but I don’t think I’ve ever been so anxious about losing hair. I must admit, I am a little scared, not so much about losing the length but more because I'm not sure what I will find after and how I will feel about it. Don’t get me wrong, I can sing the lyrics to India Arie's I Am Not My Hair at the top of my lungs and mean it. But when I reflect on those times when my hair has affected my mood I wonder how much stock I really put into the role my hair plays in shaping my identity. I’ve always been of the mindset that when your hair looks good you feel good. So what if I don’t like my hair in its natural state? Will I be in a perpetually funky mood? I seriously doubt that this will be the case because as I've been trying out new things throughout my transition and learning more about my natural hair, I am finding it surprisingly easy to embrace the bad (when my hair experiments fail) as well as the good (success).