Random Gripes: On Friendship, Lost and Found

I have a small circle of friends. I like to take time to build my friendships and I like to think that most will last forever. Of course, I am aware that there are different levels of friendship and that some were only meant to last a season but it really warms my heart when one of those forever kinds— the kind of friendship that lasts through space and time— is rekindled after a long separation. Over the past month, I have been reveling in the joy of one such phenomenon when my childhood friend S., contacted me through a social networking site.

S. and I met as children and were best friends all the way from kindergarten through sixth grade (that's the way I remember it at least). Along with V. we made a venerable trio and as the three girls who consistently scored the highest marks in our classes, we were bound to be friends (or enemies). But as we left primary school behind us and as our circles expanded to include new friends, I could sense that our trio-friendship was changing. Still, as V. ventured off and formed new friendships S. and I remained as close as ever. I took it for granted that our friendship would remain the same… until my family moved away and we promptly lost touch. For over fifteen years!

The recent advances in technology have made staying in touch fairly easy. From smart phones to emails to webcams and social networking sites, there are many ways for us to stay in touch with those closest to us. But back then, staying in touch meant making long distance calls or writing letters. For the obvious reason, calls were out— I was not paying any bills and my mother would not have me running up a huge phone bill to call S. or any of my other friends. And as much as I like to write, letters were never my favorite form of communication. Besides, my life changed completely with that move and for a long time, I could not form the words to express how I felt in that new life. To anyone. So we lost touch and I adapted to my new life and made new friends. But I never forgot the friends who I left behind.

I am not a fan of social networking sites like Facebook and while I have thought of deactivating my account on many occasions, I have resisted for one reason. Through Facebook, I am constantly reconnecting with family and childhood and high school friends. In many instances, the friendships I remember are not the same, far from it, but with S. and two of my high school friends, K1 and K2, the years seem to have fallen away. It is going on two and three years since I reconnected with both Ks and I occasionally meet either of them for brunch, happy hours, dinners and other social events. S. is a bit further away which makes these types of meetings impossible but for now it’s enough to be able to maintain regular contact and to know that I have one of my oldest friendships back. I will take care not to lose it again.