Hair Gripes: I Am Not My Hair, Am I?

I have a confession. Lately, it’s been all about my hair. It’s all I think about and inevitably, it comes up in almost every conversation that I have. I’ve become one of those people who can’t stop talking about myself, or rather, my hair. Yet, knowing that I am being this way, I can’t help but continue. Why? Because more than anything, I am excited about the changes that I am going through, about my journey from relaxed to natural. I am enjoying experimenting with organic products, trying out different styles, and I like touching my hair and feeling my natural textures coming through. I don’t think I’ve ever been this obsessed with my hair. Sure, when I used to get relaxers I would touch my hair often, feeling my roots to make sure they were as straight as they could be. But this feels different. This time, I feel gratified to know that what I am touching is my natural hair and not something that is achieved with chemicals. I like that it’s mine alone. And that I love it!

So far, this natural journal is liberating me in a way that I never thought I wanted to be but I sometimes feel that my identity is just a tad bit wrapped up in my hair. This has been on my mind a lot more since I made the decision to take the next stop and go in for “the big chop” (will write about this in another post). I’ve worn short styles before but I don’t think I’ve ever been so anxious about losing hair. I must admit, I am a little scared, not so much about losing the length but more because I'm not sure what I will find after and how I will feel about it. Don’t get me wrong, I can sing the lyrics to India Arie's I Am Not My Hair at the top of my lungs and mean it. But when I reflect on those times when my hair has affected my mood I wonder how much stock I really put into the role my hair plays in shaping my identity. I’ve always been of the mindset that when your hair looks good you feel good. So what if I don’t like my hair in its natural state? Will I be in a perpetually funky mood? I seriously doubt that this will be the case because as I've been trying out new things throughout my transition and learning more about my natural hair, I am finding it surprisingly easy to embrace the bad (when my hair experiments fail) as well as the good (success).

Hair Gripes: On Transitioning

Over the past year I’ve been going through a sort of metamorphosis, mostly where my hair is concerned. Sometime last summer, I made a subconscious decision to eschew relaxer treatments in favor of letting my hair grow out naturally. In the natural community, this process is called ‘transitioning’. I’m still not sure how I arrived at that decision but even when I have difficulty taming my mane, I am confident that I made the right one. For me. Through the doubts and confusions of where I am in the process, what my hair will look like or feel like when I get to the end of it and what I can do next, I am also excited at the possibilities.

I’ve been fortunate in the sense that I know that I am not alone in my transition from relaxed to natural. As I have opened up about my experience, I have discovered several friends who have taken different routes but who are essentially going through the same thing. Some went directly for ‘the big chop’ to immediately rid themselves of all of their chemically treated hair while others took a more gradual route, getting regular blowouts and cuts over a period of time. I am doing neither. I haven’t yet decided which route I want to take. But as I work on figuring out my next steps, I have to say a big ‘thank you’ to my friend and natural hair guru, C., who offers advice, answers any questions that I may have, helps me to pick out products, and who featured my hair experience in this post on her site, Back to Curly, which goes into details about everything having to do with natural hair. I have found that in the process of documenting my hair journey, I am learning a lot about myself and about my hair. Happy Friday!